Now Playing in Teenage Girls’ Dreams Every Night
Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1
Rating: 1.37
Showcasing the only reasons for female existence: marriage, loss of virginity, pregnancy, childbirth and death.
Exiting Theaters this Week
Piranha 3D
Rating: 0.49
This movie is sure to exceed your expectations. Its worse than you imagined.
Now playing in Dollar Theaters Across America
Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Rating: 2.66
This series is responsible for breeding an entire generation of necrophiliacs.
In Theaters
Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D
Rating: 1.53
While in one scene Alice has the ability to clone herself (so future), she still chooses to fly by circa 1940’s propeller plane (so authentic).
Inception
Rating: 6.56
This movie masquerades as confusing and interesting so that people will think “Man, I’m not sure if I ‘got’ it. I think I need to see it again.”
You don’t.
Currently Pleasing Bros in Theaters Everywhere
Get Him to the Greek
Rating: 1.82
This movie has an anal fixation. Also, so many rape jokes.
I guess the movie is supposed to be satirical, but it reads as a fantasy for music nerds. Whatever.
Currently getting panned in theaters across the USA
Sex and the City 2
Rating: 1.72
“Mom, stop being so embarrassing.” - What I wanted to say to every character of SATC2 the entire time.
This movie was so bad that it was good again.
Now in Theaters Everywhere
Iron Man 2
Rating: 1.21
A movie cannot be carried by over the top action sequences and an annoyingly egotistical main character. Perfect for the mindless bro.
In Theaters Now
Hot Tub Time Machine
Rating: 1.17
Just a bunch of regular bros hanging out naked in a hot tub, but its totally not gay because that would not be bro. Right?! This movie is so bro that it inserts a lame love story to try and appease/pander to the female audience members.
